Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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