I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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