this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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