I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
