Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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