dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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