Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
