i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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