can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
