I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
