His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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