I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
