Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
