No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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