I'm going to jail i love you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
