While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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