I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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