If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
