You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
