he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
