she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
