dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
