I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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