Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
