How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
