why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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