i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
