Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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