My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
