I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
