Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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