i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
