margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
