The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
