How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
