help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
handjob tips. give me some.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
