Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
