if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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