Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
