He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
