are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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