Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize