Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
