what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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