Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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