I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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