Tell her she can't have a vagina
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize