I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
