my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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