it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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