Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
