good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
