Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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