I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
