Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
