Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
