so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
