so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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