I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
