Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
