You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
