i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
