When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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