hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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