Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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